Farkitecture Follies pt5

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A destructive plaque o sledgehammer wielding investordores have invaded
the historic core of our cities…cashin on in on the victims of foreclosure
buying up every house they can grab without even looking at it first.

que? no habla english…history? That’s NOT OUR history gringo…

wood windows…OUT! Vinyl crank out casement windows with plastic muntins IN!
wood doors…OUT! White vinyl doors with “butt glass” IN!
pocket parlour doors in the dumpster!!!
fireplace mantles… in the dumpster and sheetrock the openings!
drag out all the cast iron radiators and sell em for big money per fin on Craigslist
sledgehammer holes every which way for the clumbsy HVAC ductwork.
staircase? rip out the railings, rip out the stairs, one short straight flight
enclosed with one of the few walls we’ll build.

Dark moulding and millwork? take a crowbar to it…or paint it all…BLANCO!!!
Muy bonita!!!
Floors we don’t cover with laminate we’ll make SHINY and NEW with 20 coats of highest gloss poly!!!

Antique brass light fixtures with glass shades…OUT! Cheap crap chandelores from Costco IN!!!

The most beautiful unfinished attic in Minneapolis? SHEETROCK the walls…
shove in some CAN lights and put PERGO laminate flooring over those famous 36 foot wide boards….once praised in a City Pages article.

This house this OLD house with a front parlor, a back parlor, a music room, dining room, kitchen, pantry,bedrooms… shall be destroyed. The design, the floorplan of this OLD house begone…….WE SHALL MAKE A NEW HOUSE…REMOVE ALL THE DOORS…REMOVE ALL THE WALLS cept one or two to hang a particle board or particle board with plastic laminate cabinet on…

Award #5
The O-P-E-N Floor plan or La Menardsa e Los Lowesos e mi Homedepo e su Homedepo Deportemrightnow se habla espanol


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